Blue and Green just don’t get along. It has been that way for as long as any of us can remember, or at the very least about 17 years. This hatred has long bled outside the lines of each card and passed on to the players themselves. Check out the comments on these recent Gathering Magic articles here, here and here. All of them dissolved into shouting matches regarding what color is more fun to play or which represents Magic more accurately. And simply which color is ‘better’. It appears that 17 years of animosity does not die easily. To that end Blue and Green recently agreed to a historic sit-down with a world renowned keeper of the peace: Maury Povich. The following is the transcript from The Maury Povich Show.
“Hello everyone and welcome back to the Maury Show. I am joined onstage by someone who needs no introduction, Magic the Gathering’s Green. Lets give Green a round of applause, please. <clapping> Now Green, it seems life has been pretty good to you these past few months. After the release of Magic 2010 your classic Elfball deck was dominating tournaments. Zendikar did rotate out a few of your more precious elves, but brought with it a land-based expansion and Lotus Cobra, the most valuable card in the set. Yet there remains that chip on your shoulder, can you tell us about that?”
“Yeah Maury, things are going pretty good. Land-based expansions sure do favor me, and everyone has been super supportive. Asking for my help triggering Landfall and fixing mana even more than usual. Of course it feels great to have such a sought after single card like LC in the mix. Honestly, I was starting to get a little jealous of White in that sense. But yeah, the other colors have been really cool with this whole Zendikar thing. I mean the guys are all taking a tiny part of me by making land such a big deal. But its been real positive and they all seem grateful. Well, almost all. . .”
“Say no more Green. I think we all know about whom you’re speaking. So why the tension between Blue and yourself, can you elaborate some? I mean it is pretty clear that there are two separate camps here that have no intention of working to resolve the problem. What is is with Blue, and do you think there is any chance of a happy ending here?”
“Jeez Maury, that is a tough one. Blue and I have never got along and its worse these days than it ever has been. Like I was saying everyone has been really great about Zendikar and sort of giving me pats on the back for the mana stuff. Not Blue. Every time there is a chance to poke fun at my big creatures or lack of dynamic deck builds he goes off. Its really grating on me. Especially with all this garbage about Blue not getting any good cards lately. Any time someone mentions faeries or Cryptic Command Blue just scoffs. The guy just feels entitled I guess. Probably because the early years favored him so much. Now its like some aging supermodel who won’t accept their decline and tries to maintain some past glory by focusing everything on themselves. Like Tyra Banks. Yeah, Blue is the Tyra Banks of Magic colors. You can quote me on that Maury.”
“Strong words there Green. But I’m glad you are being so honest with us. And in that same vein we want to be fully honest with you to. Right now, backstage and listening to this entire conversation, is Blue in person! <crowd oooooohhhs> What we would like to do is bring Blue out here right now so you both can express to each other your true feelings.”
<Blue enters to mixed applause and scattered boos>
“Blue, why don’t you tell us a little about your problems with Green?”
“This whole feud is patently ridiculous Maury. To be feuding with someone, both parties have to care about each other in some way. No matter how minute. That is certainly not the case here, as I pay Green barely any heed at all. The entire war rages on in his tiny mind alone. Meanwhile, my real issue is with Wizards of the Coast. Each set they try some new tactic to make me weaker. Be it granting my abilities to the other colors like Lapse of Certainty and Souls Majesty or removing entire factions of my game. Where is my bounce Maury? I ask you honestly what have these heathens done with it? Of course these attempts at watering me down are doomed to failure. Why? Because my very nature attracts what WotC can never nerf: true intellect.”
“Oh please! How much more of this do we have to listen to! Blue nobody likes you. When WotC knocks you down a peg (if they ever do) its because they are looking out for the people who count, Magic fans. All these folks in the audience know what I’m talking about right? <uproar of cheers mixed with audible boos> Blue, can you think of the last time anyone had fun playing with or against you? And I don’t mean winning because everyone likes winning. I mean when was the last time a counterspell brought a smile to a player’s face? It never happens. All you do is slow the game down. And don’t even get me started on Milling. Milling is like joining a foot race then once the gun sounds you walk 10 feet in the opposite direction and declare yourself the winner. Yet Wizards still makes those cards for you and you still complain.”
“Your analogies are really top notch today Green. Did you write them out before hand to make sure they made you sound clever? Look try to wrap your head around this fairly significant fact, Magic the Gathering is not a foot race. Indeed it is exactly the opposite. It is a test of wits and determination. Chess not checkers. Very few players truly understand this and that explains my small but vocal contingency here. <murmurs of approval from the audience> Realistically, I should be much more upset with you. How many green creatures have ‘protection from blue’ or ‘can’t be countered’? Plenty. Yet still you struggle when you face me. Again, let me explain this to you: everything in life is not an arm wrestling match. Understood? For the final time, I don’t care how much you bench.”
“See!? This is why you don’t have any friends. Even Black keeps his distance when everyone else is around. You dismiss everything and always in the most hurtful fashion! Its mean spirited. And I’m sorry there aren’t better counterspells, but you don’t hear Red complaining about a lack of land destruction do you? The two are about the same to me as far as ruining what could be a fun game.”
<blue stands and green rises in response>
“Alright calm down you two. This was never meant to get heated. Will both of you please be seated and we can continue on trying to bury the hatchet? <both remain standing> After all, don’t you both have an equal stake in Magic itself? It seems to me that a united front could really make MTG a better place. Thoughts?”
“The whole debate is really not that complicated. If Green could simply accept his role as the color for low-brow beginners we could all move on. Surely that can’t be that difficult even for Green to understand.”
<Blue is cut off as Green tackles him onto the stage. A brawl ensues and security rushes in to break it up. The camera pans to Maury for a closing thought.>
Well there you have it. Some conflicts run deeper than either party is willing to admit and this is one of those conflicts. Why? Because this debate is not about who has better cards, or cooler art. It is a fundamental difference in the way the game of Magic is played and perhaps even in world view. Can peace ever truly be reached under these circumstances? <dodges flying chair> Ah, to hell with it. See you all tomorrow.
Like this article? Try these:
Loading ...
I have to say, Leaf: that was one of the best pieces of yours that I’ve ever read! Bravo!
Oh, and regarding Maury’s comment that “this was never meant to get heated”, I totally call BS.
Are you questioning Maury’s motives for this meeting? How dare you good sir!
Awwww, I wanted a “You are NOT the father” line in here.
Thumbs way up on this post. Great job.
I wish I could have squeezed a paternity test joke in there. I think the rest of the episode was dedicated to them
Ha Ha it was hilariose I loved it and it depicted green and blue far too well and even when they insulted eachother it was true xD
But realy i support both green and blues arguments
Green could use a lil more complexity
Blue could use a lil focus (Not just winning by default cuz your oponent couldnt draw) Blue wants to actualy win not stall or default even blue wants to beat sumone down everyonce in a while. and broken ambitions cycled out
oh and i’d like to see more excentric cards like slow motion or a spell pierce for creatures I like to see specific low costing counters not just well this turn i can play 1 crappy creature or stay open and hopefully counter one thing.
Blue and green can coexist. As a hedron crab deck. Granted you need four Misty Rainforests to pull it off well, but as in real life, money makes you more attractive to those who would hate you.
‘Yea Maury, Blue needs to the stfu. His mill ability is strong as ever.”
I for one completely resent the physical altercation that took place towards the end there. Blue would NEVER get into a fist fight with green. Green would be returned to his hand, put to sleep or otherwise Pognified before he got even close to laying a hand on Reinh…. err I mean blue!!
I agree with your sentiment, but I would point out that nothing in that transcript ACTUALLY states that Blue physically retaliated against green. In fact, the only blow listed is Green tackling Blue. Other than that, it just says there was a “brawl”. I pictured Maury talking to the camera while flashes of green and blue light could be seen coming from out-of-frame. In fact, the flying chair could even be the result of Blue simply extending his arm and shouting a quick one-word incantation.
I dunno, I think the scrap between Garruk and Jace in the webcomics came pretty close.
Maury, what do you think about Blue and Green getting together? Green provides the fat and the combat tricks, Blue provides the evasion and the everywhere-else tricks…in my recent RG ZEN draft deck, there were very few times when I was unhappy to pull a Soaring Seacliff off the top.
Green rushes forward and tackles Blue, possibly having cast Giant Growth mid-lunge. Blue is startled, but keeps his wits about him long enough to cast Turn to Mist on himself before hitting the ground. Green falls through the fog and faceplants onto the stage as Blue re-forms, standing behind him. Seizing the opportunity, Blue incants a quick Psionic Blast while Green is still down, but Green hears it coming and manages to flip over and extend a hand for a last-second Vines of Vastwood, shorting out the Blast. As he stands, Green segues into Entangling Vines, hoping to lock Blue down, but Blue Boomerangs the vines, sending them back into the Aether. Green decides to fight mind with mind and enchants himself with Lure as he rushes at Blue once more. Blue’s eyes shimmer with an emerald light as the compulsion takes hold, and he gasps in fright as he realizes what’s happening. Thinking quickly, Blue casts Jump on Green, sending the tree-hugger sailing over Blue’s head and out of reach, thereby shattering the compulsion of the Lure. Blue turns to face Green on the landing and quickly locks him into an Ice Cage, but his respite is short-lived. Blue feels a faint mellow mood fill the room as Green casts Tranquility, dissolving both the Ice Cage and the Lure. Blue readies a Counterspell for Green’s next assault, then realizes that the coming spell is a Hail Storm. Seeing the approaching security guards, Blue lets this one through so he can deal with Green himself. Once security has been dealt with, the warring colors refocus on each other. Blue once again readies Counterspell, but by the time he sees Green start to cast, it’s too late – Stonewood Invocation didn’t leave enough of an opening to counter. Blue manages to leap aside, but a nearby chair was less nimble and its remains nearly kill Maury as they go to a commercial break.
Word!
Im not about to do my power point project on who is a good leader about Leaf. . . wut you talkin bout wilis
OMG! Can’t U and G ever get along? (At least the planeswalkers aren’t doing such this (as least as much as I know of…))
If I have to pick sides, I would go blue. Why? Archive Trap’d, landfallers of green!
Awesome article… so true. However, I have to say that there have always been cards that do things their color normally doesn’t do. Great piece, though, loved the flavor to it.
that is effing hilarious! as someone who already plays a UG mill deck (ambassador laquatus plus elves, its very fun) reading this was kinda like arguing with myself lol. i cant wait to get some hedron crab’s and archive trap’s to add in
“Milling is like joining a foot race then once the gun sounds you walk 10 feet in the opposite direction and declare yourself the winner.”
BWAHAHAHAHA! Probably the funniest thing I’ve read here ever. Great work.
And we all know red is the best color.
Heh, yeah, you may actually have a point, JG. My wife started out only liking White (prettier/less gruesome art), but I finally convinced her to try some red in her deck. On the first test, she used back-to-back Fireballs to take me down from 16, then said “You know, I think I kind of like Red!”
Well done.
in my opinion while blue’s mill right now is better than ever. their are so many green cards in zendikar that hate on blue e.g. summoning trap and u get a free creature for walking into a counter whats that all about??? And also Green has so many cards that can not be countered cards such as spellbreaker behemoth
Of course, Green has only one *playable* card that can’t be countered. Besides, Blue can now counter the uncounterable.
Blue green has ways been a powerhouse, I am not sure what MTG you have been playing but for the last 17 years or so. Cards like Mystic Snake have been owning noobs, like Rick James. Lest we forget more examples such as Crystal Witness deck. Come on Crystal shard and Eternal witness. I know im not asleep at the wheel.
I get them to work rather well together, I guess we all forgot about the Overbeing of Myth and all of those other Shadowmoor, Eventide, Lorwyn, opposing color cards.