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Main » Articles » Magic the Classroom – The Quick, the Slow, and the Annoying

Magic the Classroom – The Quick, the Slow, and the Annoying

Dan Eckstein
Posted on March 25, 2011
 Reddit

As I read this title—"The Quick, the Slow, and the Annoying"—I am led to think this article is about types of players. Some are fast, some are slow, and some are annoying. Apparently, I am all of the above. Today, I am going to share three decks with you that have generated some interesting comments from my opponents online.

The Quick

The first deck is a very fast winner or a very fast loser. It's really nothing special or elaborate in my eyes; it's just something I decided to toy with. I am bringing it to you because of some comments I got recently. There are always one or two players who will say "I like your deck" or "Your list is cool" with any winning deck. But this player said, "Where did you get your list?" At first I was taken aback. I always try to be original in some way with my decks, and this school year I've barely had time to surf around enough to steal anything. The fact that he assumed this list had to come from somewhere was offensive to me. What—I'm not capable of generating my own list? During our multiple rematches and chats, I found that he was quite the surfer and claimed to have never seen a list like mine. So I promised to post it up here at ManaNation. The concept is probably so simple that no one has ever posted it.

"Black Blitz"

This deck is amazingly fast. I've had games where I've has turn one, Asp; turn two, Unholy; turn three Bite and Swipe for the win. In fact, I built it for that purpose. The deck I play most often right now has a tendency to cause twenty- to thirty-minute games. I wanted something that would either win or lose quickly. That is about the only thing I feel this deck has been successful at. Every game is done in about five minutes. Either I have been able to pounce, or my opponent has found cheap removal and I'm looking at an empty board with nothing but pump in hand.

Even though my opponent praised this list, I don't feel it is consistent enough. When I shared this with him, it led to the rematches. In each game, I was able to generate the poison faster than he could answer it. What really piqued his interest was the fact that his deck was also speed poison—only his was Green/Red. I didn't write down the multiple links he gave me, but I imagine his list might have been something like this.

"Green/Red Pump Poison"

In the grand scheme of things, the Green/Red probably is the better deck. I do think the two decks together would make a wicked Two-Headed Giant team. I haven't personally played any 2HG since Infect came out—mostly because the few Magic players who I have in school all have other activities. [Editor's note: The rules for poison in Two-Headed Giant are changing; teams will get poison counters instead of players, and a team will lose when it has 15 poison counters. The announcement about the change can be found here.]

A Quick Soapbox

This deck is my first truly Infect deck. Why? Because I don't like the mechanic. It rubs me the wrong way. Construction and flavor-wise, it basically sets your life at 10 with no life-gain offset tricks or any way to remove poison in general. The Infect creatures have the proper mana cost for the most part. But all pumpers are based on their portion of 20 life, not on what they can do with 10 poison counters. A Giant Growth is 3 damage for 1 mana, which is proportional to other cards like Lightning Bolt. But when Giant Growth's bonus is applied to an Infect critter, it becomes equivalent to 6 damage for 1 mana, which is lopsided.

In combat, I actually like Infect. It makes sense to me. If two warriors were to meet in battle with one winner, wouldn't it make sense that the winner should need time to recuperate? I have always been a little bothered that a creature is immediately healed of all its damage for the next turn. Imagine if there really were a battle between a 6/6 wurm and a 5/5 giant. Sure, the wurm would win, but why is it back to full strength the very next turn? That's even accounting for the fact that wurms have tremendous healing powers. Now, if the wurm would run into a venomous snake with Infect and Regeneration, the wurm would get weaker with every touch of the fang it received. That makes sense to me. Basically, I feel that Wizards should have stopped at Wither.

Wizards should make an artifact card that allows you to "heal" a poison counter during every upkeep. Make it a cheap enough artifact, and Infect would fit. After all, doesn't a body heal from poison if given a chance to rest?

The Slow

The deck I play more often is rather slow. It generates comments like "What's your win condition?" and "Winning is more than just surviving." Those are the nice ones. Some are "You are so boring," "I don't have time for this," and "You're taking too long." In my defense, all three of those players had used more clock than I had for the entire game. I do admit my games take a long time. I establish a great deal of board control, and when timing is right, I play my win condition. Normally generating fifteen to twenty 2/2 Cats at the end of turn is sufficient for the win. In the hundreds of games I've played with this deck, my wins are more from concession than they are from the big MEOW. There is just something about being able to blow up a permanent every turn or being able to take down a 5/5 as it comes into play without even using a card that makes opponents give up.

The deck actually started as a Black control deck with Trigon of Corruption, Contagion Clasp, and Contagion Engine at its core. But after a few games, I noticed that I never really needed to pay for an additional counter on the Trigon. So why go Black? I then shifted to Blue using Thrummingbird and Steady Progress to help the proliferation. At this point, I added Everflowing Chalice and Tumble Magnet, but still had trouble holding back decks that could generate more creatures than I could remove. In stepped Day of Judgment. Elves and Vampires beware—I'm a white mage. The Tumble Magnet was reforged to a Lux Cannon, and we were there.

"The Big MEOW (CATastrophe)"

The Annoying

I know that many of you think the MEOW deck above is annoying. I promise you: This one is worse. I won't bore you with the details, since this deck has been around the block once or twice. Basically, it's a Time Sieve deck with Elixir of Immortality and Temple Bell added to the mix. Why add these cards? The Bell generates even greater card advantage from your extra turns, and the Elixir makes it truly an infinite-turn deck. The original Time Sieve deck had to win before it ran out of Time effects or cards in the deck. Elixir puts those cards back in the library, giving you more effects and more deck, which allows for the win condition of milling my opponent with the Bell and Jace. The ultimate annoyance in the world must be to lose because your opponent mills you by putting your cards in your hand instead of the graveyard—especially annoying with Eldrazi in your deck.

"Playin' with Myself"

There's the bell. In the last deck, that may be literal. Class is dismissed. No homework today. I apologize to anyone who has lost to that last deck. It was hard on me, too.

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